Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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