So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
