He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
