I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
