the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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