i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
