just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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