I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
