I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
