why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
