as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
