Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
