i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
