I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
