You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
