Me. At least after what I've been through.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
