WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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