I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize