Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
