So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
