she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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