the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
