took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
