Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
