FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
