my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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