i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
