I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
