She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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