If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
