Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
