No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
