that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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