We're facebook friends in real life
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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