Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
