How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
