My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
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