uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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