No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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