Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
