Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
