you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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