He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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