My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
