During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
