so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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