I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
