And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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