woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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