Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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