The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
