Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
