I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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