My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize