she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize