Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
