Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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