I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
