for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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