dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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