just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
