you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
