Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
