Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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