I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it wasn't lemon gatorade
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
