You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
