there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
